I was so nervous all day. I could barely wait until 3pm when I could leave work for my 3:20 ultrasound. Some friends that live by the specialists office agreed to watch Jamin for us during the appointment and Ryan was able to meet me there. When we got into the ultrasound room, I was even more nervous. The last three times I had an ultrasound it was bad news and being next to that machine brought back memories. The doctor came in and talked about the weather and then with no warning transitioned to a story about how he only takes 6 clubs when he goes golfing, it was kind of awkward.
Then, a moment that I cannot stop thinking about happened. We saw our little baby's heartbeat! I want to cry just thinking about it now. In my mind the song "wonder" is the soundtrack to this awesome memory. Ryan played this song for me when we found out we were pregnant with Jamin.
I don't remember being this filled with emotion for Jamin. It is not because he was less anticipated, because I was a zombie in the 10 months we were trying to conceive him. I was devastated at the thought of being childless. I think it is so much better because I have a better idea of what is to come. Jamin was a blob on a blurry screen, who would somehow grow into a full term baby that we would take home, but the details were a blurry image. Now I know what it will be like to feel Caribou kick for the first time. I know what it will be like to see, touch, hear and smell it for the first time. I know what it will be like to watch it sleep in my arms. I know what it will be like to watch it achive milestones.
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